10 Ways to Be More Harmonious When You Most Need it!
August 1, 2018
It's when we are out of sync with ourselves and the flow of life that we feel erratic, stressed, unhappy, lost, or frustrated.
Life will throw you some unpredictable curve balls, things will not always be plane sailing, and you will face real challenge, therefore my first tip is to embrace this ahead of time! This is not negativity, this is realism. This awareness will also allow you to deepen your appreciation for all your time, not spent in those truly difficult parts. It will give you ability to be grateful, even when you are still "trying" to progress through life, with all of your little bugbears.
1: Be realistic and Balanced in Thought:
If we fling from happiness to unhappiness very easily, then we are not yet concretely in mental and emotional balance. This is often an indication that our so called positivity, is actually just a smoke screen for an overly negative mindset, which needs shifting.
To do this we must first, remove the inauthentic positivity, and admit we are being quite negative. We may even come to realise we are quite a negative person. This always falls in our shadow so it can be hard to recognise. This may be because of being raised by negatively prone parents, or because of an underlying sense of fear which clouds your world. It could also be because it feels safe, or there is simply a lack of belief in the self or the world. It's also where a large part of society is, because it's part of the brain's heritage to guard against threat.
Once we allow this negativity to be held, we can work on getting into a more realistic perspective. In essence life is quite neutral, and so your "thought" can also move into this neutral place, which can actually dramatically change a person's whole life. Facing your own fear, is also what happens in this arena. You may think this strange, but my feeling is that too much positivity, is also equally unhealthy. It can lead us into false illusions, and can take us away from the situation, or goal at hand, it's another type of escapism.
Once you are in balanced thought, and more neutral about things, your mind will not need to create so many positive or negative stories, and you will be more free to try things out, have a better relationship to fear and see where you end up.
2: Breathe Deeply into Reactivity:
Our primal response is to react, react with emotion and with behaviour, and with a whirlwind of stories from the mind. This takes us of into an unconscious place.
When something triggers you, it's hitting on past material, and it's an opening for you to fill the space with awareness and presence. Think of this as your sacred chalice, you are being offered opportunity to fill up the chalice with even more of your being, and when you do, you will have been stretched beyond the original trigger, the situation and the pain, real or imagined.
The key is to be in your body, in the now and observe the reactivity of thought and feeling.
3: Remember your Adult:
It's the inner child / "The Id" as Freud called it, that lies at the heart of our deep reactions, and we are on the path of, "individuation" or so Jung thought! This means that our psyche is ultimately seeking wholeness, and this is the realm of inner parenting too.
When you speak to your emotional reactions, your feelings shift. You create a pathway between your immature part and your wise part. Your adult is freely available to rise up and assist you, but will you remember to call on it? It starts with how you speak to yourself internally, and ends with better life, and body management.
4: It's Not About You - It's About Them:
You may have heard about, not taking it personally, but sometimes this can be hard to do, when other people's behaviour really triggers us, and even more so, when it appears to be aimed directly at us. The key is practice, it simply takes time to stand in your centre and not be triggered by other people's dynamics and difficulties.
People are showing us how they really feel about themselves all of the time. We can tell if someone is unloving of themselves, because they are unloving to others. We know if someone is highly critical of themselves, because they treat others the same.
However you don't have to be party to their same conditions. It can be incredibly healing to a person who is suffering with themselves, when you stay out of the dynamic and remain in your healed self. This can teach them, without overt teaching, that a new way of relating is possible.
5: Patience and No time:
Often things happen slower than we like. We aren't in charge of timing when we ask for change. Whilst we wait for certain transitions, we can make ourselves feel more contained by taking action on the things we do currently have control over.
Being patient with yourself and creating unscripted time can be very nourishing. Being patient with others journey's can also feel better, especially when they are not involved in self-development.
6: Routine and Movement:
No matter what you face in life, your body's ability to move is a gift.
Much harmony can be instilled by keeping to a movement or exercise regime daily. Walking is also great for the mind, and for becoming clear.
Routine in general, when healthy, can allow for a sense of containment, which is a type of medicine, especially in times of real challenge, it's your silent parent.
You can be held by many of the small acts that you do daily, and if you embrace them with tenderness, they will speak back to you, and give you great purpose.
7: Laughter and Community:
If you can laugh, even when it feels wrong to, then you are surely in touch with the irony of life :)
Laugh as much as you can with yourself, inside yourself and with others.
Community is something which can offer you something supportive. If you have lost community then take steps to build one back, if you never had one, then try to find some new friends. If you you are changing, then ask to connect with new people which match your current position.
8: Overall Life Balance:
If your life is top heavy, or lacking in some areas then you are more likely to feel disharmony. We need as many boxes filled as possible, so that when one area suffers, changes, or experiences loss, we have other areas to bolster us and fill us up.
We are in no means going to experience perfection in our lives, lives are continually in some state of flux, whether big or small, and our different areas operate at varying levels of success. Someone may be desperate for a relationship, another person may hate their job, or be trying to live their purpose, someone may have pots of money but no real community, another person may experience difficulties with family but has a great career.
This is why there is absolutely no point in comparing yourself to someone else, it's completely unhelpful.
However you find your life, let it be your blank canvas, and create, create, create what you feel drawn toward.
9: Emotional Management:
Thoughts and emotions work together, backwards and forwards, influencing each other. This circuit can be working healthily or unhealthily for us.
I'm not talking about, so called "negative feelings", they isn't really such a thing, they are still just emotions, sadness, grief, anger, loss etc. It's not the emotions that are a problem, it's our relatedness to them, and then whether they are really genuine, or being brought on by unhelpful thinking.
To be able to moderate, and balance our emotions is something that we can learn. A healthy relationship to emotion, means that we are allowing what flows naturally, not creating anything unnecessary and are in the seat of open responsiveness to taking actions.
The relationship between your adult mind and primal child feelings is always at the forefront of emotional intelligence and maintenance.
10: Be free now:
Just let go.
Acceptance is always your ally, yet in some circumstances one of the hardest things to do.
I say, "accept but don't give up."
Enjoy bobbing on the ocean, sometimes you can swim down deep into the depths, other times you can float on the surface and catch the rays.
Keep you head above the water, or stay inside the boat. Ride the waves of your life, and where possible be a strong captain, with a direction, that may need to be altered when you encounter bad weather, or a sea monster.
I hope you found some of these strategies and ideas useful, feel free to leave your comments for me...